To: Kevin
Our team recently slumped below .500 and one would think Ownership won't tolereate this situation for too long. That's rigth, if DEE Janitorial Supply starts to tighten the screws, it could mean n end to all perks we've grown accustomed to-even the free janitorial supplies. I shudder to think how your toilet bowl might look once your supply of Tidy Bowl is cut off. Does this have to happen? Consider the following suggestions which will agian have us performing like the dynamic team that we are in our minds.
1. Everytime we make a fielding error it comes back to haunt us. Does it seem right that we should be panalized for soemthing we do so naturally? It's time to put our opponents on the defensive. I suggest a simple rule change-for each error we make we receive one run.
2. Our hitting has fallen off lately-but does it have to? Is it too much trouble to ask the League to let us have 4 or 5 outs per inning and to shorten the base paths when we are up at the plate? I calculate that this won't cost the league one red cent.
3. It is an old truism that the players play the game. Using similar insight it must then be true that the managers manage the game. Kevin, look within your heart of hearts-is our management everything it could be? I don't think you have to be an Allan Einstein to relize someone of the caliber of a Lee Elia, for example, could make himself available to manage the "Dogs" for the right price. The "kicker" we might need to secure him may be free janitorial supplies! Just imagine how Mrs. Elia might react to this incentive. Kevin, drastic times call for drastic measures. I hope you are willing to give my ideas exactly the type of consideration which they deserve. An anonymous friend Tom F.
Friends & Lovers
The Baby Beat
It's the craze sweeping the nation. Joan and Pete S. have joined the swelling ranks of pregnant couples that we know. Man. All of these pregnancies have got my biological clock ticking.
Beth K. thinks her new baby will be a girl and is leaning towards the name Chase. When I asked Beth how she was doing, she said "Getting larger and more uncomfortable each day". "Same here". I replied.
And the final pregnancy news...
SummerFest
Well SummerFest has come and gone once again; and as the sun slowly sets over the lovely city of Milwaukee we turn around and survey the wreckage that we've left behind.
Dr. Jeff let everybody down this year; usually he egts plowed out of his mind and spends the day telling everyone how much he loves them, as he does this, his hair raises in porportion to how drunk he gets. But there was none of that this year. On a good note though, he didn't suffer from a "constipation coma" like he did last year.
Mike, Liane, Tommy T. and Jim & Jackie showed up for part of the day. They all had a good time.
Mary S. was almost eaten by our bus on the way back to our hotel, and later started speaking in tongues.
Brad did a hell of a Halley Mills imitation. Brad also didn't get much sleep; the poor guy was stuck between Jeff and I, who were snoring in stereo.
Jeff started to watch adult movies on Pay-Per-View, but only saw 4 minutes of a movie and decided to go to bed early. so of course the girls had to jump all over his bed and wake him up.
Ruta couldn't make it to SummerFest this year, so we called her at 2:00 a.m. to give her a report of the day.
I'm Moving
Kal's Pal:
I don't have a storyline worked out yet, but here is some of the casting in what is sure to be the funniest movie since "Sophie's Choice".
Mike B. = John Travolta
Brad L. = Tom Hanks
Liane B. = Kim Catrell
Tom T. = Kevin Costner
Mary G. = Justine Bateman
Cheri B. = Wynona Ryder
Dennis E. = Ed Asner
Rose E. = Sophia Loren
Linda K. = Sigorney Weaver
Dave K. = John Goodman (though he'd have to lose a few hundred pounds)
Beth K. = Nicole Kidman
Barry K. = James Spader
Kevin C. = Anthony Edwards
Renee C. = Laurie Metcalf
Jeff L. = David Hyde Pierce
Vicky J. = Uma Thurmond
Various Exes = Madonna And here are some of the actors people have suggested play me. You can pick your favorite. John Turtorro
I believe
I believe that there is only one true motorcycle, and that is the Harley Davidson Motor Cycle built in Milwaukee Wisconsin since 1893. God Bless America.
I believe that when Marisa Tomei and I finally meet we will end up spending the rest of our lives together. I believe aliens periodically kidnap me and transplant the hair from my head on to my back. I believe that the designated hitter dilutes the game of baseball. If you can't play the whole game, you shouldn't play at all. I believe that if I hook up my VCR to my microwave, I will have an unlimited supply of leftovers.
I believe a restraining order is no way for two adults to solve their problems, no matter what Joan Esposito's lawyers tell me. I believe that if I were thinner, had more hair and looked like Mel Gibson, I'd have a hell of a movie career. I believe in Mary Worth. I believe that for the last five years I've been in a coma, and that the life I've led is a just a product of my damaged brain. Just like that kid on St Elsewhere. I believe in time travel, and that the me of the future has traveled back in time and purchased thousands of shares of IBM at 1960 prices, which will be delivered to me on my 40th birthday. So if I were you I'd treat me nice.
Check it out
Here are some fun things, some of my friends are recommending.
Jeff L.
Cheri B.
Mike B.
Rene R.
What's Your Beef
Ask Renee C. who the "Sausage King of Chicago" is and she'll most likely respond "Kevin E!", and while I'm the first to admit to an affection to all things sausage; especially Italian or Polish, it is the Italian Beef sandwich which is really my first love. There are few things in this world which make my mouth water like a tasty Beef sandwich from one of my favorite beef stands.
To me, the perfect "beef" is made up of a fresh french bread (perferably Gonnella Bread) piled high with home made Italian Beef, dipped or "juicy" in the tasty gravy, and topped with sweet bell peppers. I usually get a cup of hot peppers on the side, and sprinkle some of this on the sandwich; I only put on a small amount though, so I don't overpower the taste of the beef. Next i take the fries (most beef stands have fresh cut fries) and spill them onto the paper that they've wrapped my beef in, and let them soak up some of the gravy that's leaked out of my sandwich. Top this off with an icy cold Coke (beer won't do with a beef, you can have a beer with a sausage, but for some reason only a pop will do with a beef) and you have the perfect meal. If the ancient Romans ate Italian Beef (or Roman Beef as it would have been called) their civilization never would have fallen. Here are my favorite Beef stands in the city (Sorry my knowledge is limited to the North side).
1. Mr. Beef
10 Fictional Places
Mayberry
Cicely Alaska
The New Starship Enterprise
Rivendell
The Emerald City
Frank's Place
The L.A. of Blade Runner
The Ponderosa
Never Never Land
Gotham City
Spotlight On...
Birthday:
Birthplace:
Occupation:
Current Home:
Working On:
Worst Job Experience:
The Last Good Movie I Saw:
The Book I've Been Reading:
Favorite Pig Out Food:
Nickname:
Favorite Performer:
Prized Possession:
People always think I'm:
I'd give anything to meet:
Favorite Annual Event:
A really great evening to me is:
My Fantasy Is:
The One Thing I Can't Stand is:
If I Could Change One Thing About Myself:
My Most Irrational Act:
If I've Learned One Thing In Life It's:
Major accomplishment:
Three words that best describe me:
This interview was conducted & formatted by Barry's wife, Beth K.
From: An anonymous friend
Subject: Dogs Gone Crazy, Blueprint for Success
Linda K. is sick as a dog.
I bought a tiny condo in Jefferson Park.
The Movie
Liz Torres
Marisa Tomei
Malcomb Jamal Warner
Nicholas Cage
Laurence Fishburne
Bruce Willis
Malcomb Jamal Warner
Danny DeVito
or Mel Reynolds.
Read It: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. "Voodoo, transvestites and murder.
What more could you want"
See It: Species. "Worth it just to watch the alien chick french kiss a guy to the back of the throat".
Listen To It: Pink Floyd's Pulse. "Worth it for the flashing light on the C.D. box alone".
Rent It: Clerks. "Vey funny".
Do It: "Go to the Twin Drive-In. they're closing it this year. Bring some lawn chairs, a cooler of beer & sneak somebody in" .
Read It: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
See It: Naked Killer. Lesbian assassins commit gruesome murders.
Listen To It: The Freddy Jones Band
Rent It: Legends of the Fall.
Do It: "Cirque De Solei. Also the Monet Exhibit. Or is it the Manet Exhibit?"
Read It:The Foot Book by Dr. Suess
See It:The Bridges of Madison County ("I wept openly".)
Listen To It: The Hanna Barbara Sound Effects Album
Rent It: German Candle Girl (use your imagination)
Do It: Amway Sales Seminars
Read It: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.
See It: Apoolo 13.
Listen To It: Frank Sinatra Reprise.
Rent It: The Paper.
Do It: Momenschanch
2. Roma's on Cicero
3. Roma's on Elston
4. Susie's
5. Jay's
I'd Like to Live
"More fried chicken Kevin?" "You bet Aunt Bea!"
Imagine what I could do on the Holodeck.
"They can even dye my eyes to match my gown?"
"More jambalaya Kevin?" "You bet Frank!"
Imagine what i could do with one of those flying cars.
"More egg rolls Kevin?" "You bet Hop Sing!"
I won't grow up. No sir. Not me!
"I'm Batman." "Fuck you. I'm Batman".
Barry K.
February 11, 1960
Evanston, Il.
Publishers Representative full time, savior of the Republican party part time.
Palatine, Il, suburban bliss
the lawn, the nursery for baby #2, and the BIG BOY room for Charlie.
"On a construction job, a sewer pipe opened up all over me, and I got the crabs."
"Apollo 13".
"Hot Zone".
Red wine and anything with the word "chip" in it (except cow or buffalo)
Bing.
Harrison Ford.
My family and home made red wine.
Drinking.
My 2nd wife.
KevFest. (Bonus points for Barry)
Playing pool with my wife until 4 a.m. and having her scream at me until 5 a.m. because I won.
Meeting my second wife at my very own winery.
When my son Charlie says "Uh oh" because he just pooped all over the couch.
I wouldn't slouch.
Marrying a Catholic Democrat.
Don't kiss an open sore.
So far, my son Charlie.
Dole in '96.