A lot of people have been asking me how Julie and I met, so here you go.
Bear with me here.
The day after Cathy's wedding I went to an October Fest and got really loaded. During the course of the night I expressed to my friend Laurie F. (who has known Julie since high school) that I thought her friend Julie was really attractive. A couple of weeks later, Laurie gave me Julie's phone number and I called her. Now, you might think that Laurie Ferris was the person responsible for Julie and I hooking up.
But, once again, you'd be wrong.
I met Laurie and Cathy through Pam M. So Pam gets the credit for my new romance? Nope. Wrong.
You see, I met Pam through my brother-in-law Dave K., who met Pam when she was conducting his exit interview from the AMA.
So, you say, it's Dave! Dave's responsible for our meeting! Sorry, wrong again.
Because I obviously met Dave through my sister Linda, who met Dave when they worked together at a drug store back in high school. So it was Linda! Linda was the link that brought us together! This is getting monotonuos. Wrong!
One day Linda was walking down the street when she ran into an old friend of mine from grade school, Eddie S. Linda & Eddie started talking and came to discover that Linda was looking for a job and that Eddie had a job to offer.
So Linda took the job, which lead to her meeting Dave, who then met Pam, who met Laurie and Cathy in college who both knew Julie since high school.
So who's responsible for Julie and I meeting? Me godammit! Me! If I never got to know Eddie S. in grade school Linda would have never got her job and started the whole ball rolling.
I never really believed in fate, but, man something like this has to make you think.
Now I know what you're thinking...
"big deal,this is just another one of Kevin's "girlfriends" they come and go. He uses them like Kleenexes. This will never last, he'll be looking for another girlfriend by the end of summer.
Of course you might think that...but you'd be wrong.
Rene and Kevin C.
welcomed their third child into this world, a lovely baby girl on Monday, March 26, at 7:59 a.m. Lydia Helen weighed in
at 8lbs; 19inches.
Aiden Alexander C. was born at 7:49 p.m. April 24th, 8 lbs. 5 ozs., 20.5 inch, reddish hair, blue eyes, the first child of Don & Kelly. That's Don to the left reading Kal's Pals in the tub for some reason.
You're scaring me Don.
Dr. Jeff L. threw his back out a week back (get it...week back...weak back. I kill myself.) and has been self medicating anything he can get his hands on...Valium, Perkadan, Viagra (I don't know why the last one) and I fear he will soon have to check himself into the Betty Ford Clinic. Which would suck for him, but I think it would be great...just think of all the celebrity autographs he could get me.
The grinning goof to the left is Tim T. (with his girlfriend Pam). Tim is always complaining that he never gets mentioned in "Kal's Pals". Here you go Tim. Tim also complains that he doesn't get his own copy of "K.P." but has to read his girlfriend Pam's copy all the time. The reason for that Tim, is that when Pam finally wises up and dumps your sorry ass, I don't have to go to all the trouble of changing my mailing list. I mean, nothing personal. I like you and all, but you know, shit happens. You'll get over it and move on, believe me, you'll be all right Tim. You'll be fine.
As always...it's Cheri!
Carmella!
Back in April, over the Easter weekend, Julie took me to New York (NEW YORK CITY!?) as a birthday present. One of the many cool things we did that weekend (that I can print) was to go over to 5th Avenue to see the Easter Parade. You know, like in that movie with Judy Garland & Fred Astaire.
Now the whole time we're in N.Y. I would pick out a person and say "Look Hon! It's Robert DeNiro" or "look Jules, it's Liza Minnelli." Of course the people I pointed out looked nothing like the people I said they were ...it was just me being an a-hole. While walking on 5th Ave. though, I look over at this woman who's walking her dog right next to us, I turn to Julie and say, "OK, I'm not being funny here" (not like I was being funny before) "but I swear to God, that's Edie Falco from The Soprano's". And it was! Ms. Falco was obviously trying to keep a low profile, she had her hair cut short and was wearing no make up, so I wasn't positive that it was her at first. But then she said something to her boyfriend, and once I heard her voice I knew it was her. Now I may have mentioned once or twice that I am kind of a fan of "The Soprano's", so as her dog stops next to me I go and pet it, I then look her in the eyes and say "I don't want to make a big deal out of this...but could I take your picture"? And she let me! She was very cool.
Now there's a couple weird things about this encounter...one, my dad had a dream that I'd run into someone from the show while I was in New York. And two, just the day before this meeting Julie said that if there was one star she'd like to see without all her makeup it would be Edie Falco a.k.a. Carmella Soprano. Weird huh?
And that's my story...not that I need a reason to write about "The Soprano's".
And speaking of which...
Similarities between
Tony...Has killed dozens of guys.
Tony...Has a goofy uncle.
Tony...Has a chubby, under-achieving son.
Tony...Has sex with strippers.
Tony...His best friend was "Pussy."
Tony...Wears a pinkie ring.
Tony...Choked his girlfriend.
With Bozo gone where will we find a clumsy, frizzy haired bald guy with a big nose who will make us laugh?...oh never mind.
New Orleans
Various tidbits from my annual trip to the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival.
Only in America can you get a young woman to show you her hoots for a dollars worth of toy beads.
Oh wait, I'm wrong about that. They'll do it in Thailand too. And now that I think about it Amsterdam. Amsterdam is pretty good for this kind of thing...Tijuana also. Can't forget Tijuana.
O.k! So I guess there are a lot of places you can get women to do this sort of thing.
What a bunch of hos.
Thank God.
New Orleans. Part II
I can't be everywhere at once...so here are some of my
Swapping shirts at Ev's with Tim T.
Tim Taylor trying to low ball some Korean river pirate at the Art Gallery, and after the Korean agrees to Tim's price, he proceeds
to raise the shipping and handling costs from $25.00 to $75.00.
Jimmy E.'s visit to "Oz"
(Jimmy being somewhat homophobic
and Oz being a very gay bar).
Meeting Dave Matthew's bodyguard and that NFL player.
Patty N.
Annie dancing in the windows of the Gateway bar.
Well, cross dressing.
The rotating Mr. T. , hearing Aaron Neville sing Bridge Over Troubled Waters with Paul Simon and seeing Fats Domino were the highlights for me.
This is my friend Dr. Jeff,
New Orleans. Part IV
As many of you know I suffer from a very touchy stomach, but I never baby it, and in fact put it through paces that would have killed a lesser man by now. So you can only imagine what 4 days of drinking and eating in New Orleans does to my intestinal tract. Whooboy! That ain't good!
Naturally, on the plane ride home my stomach says to me, "O.k. big boy, you had your little fun, but guess what, pay-back's a bitch." So I'm sitting there in the lavatory minding my own business when all of a sudden we hit the worst turbulence I've ever felt in my life. Oh my God! Talk about riding the bucking bronco! As I sat there, I'm thinking only one thought "Please God, I don't want to die by having my ass sucked out of the plane via the waste system".
As you can imagine I finished doing what I had to do in a hurry, but the bathroom was so small (my shoulders touched both walls) and with all the tossing around, I couldn't get my pants pulled back up. After what seemed like 20 minutes I finally got my pants up, but then I couldn't open the latch to the bathroom. Every time I'd reach for the handle the plane would lurch and I'd be tossed out of it's reach. Meanwhile the pilot is yelling over the loud speaker that "whoever is in the lavatory better get out now!" Not that I could...I mean I felt like I was in the bathroom with two WWF wrestler's kicking the living shit out of me.
Finally though, I did get the door open and jumped over to my seat, (which was in the back row) I was then thrown over Dr. Jeff and into my seat by the bucking plane.
Now I've used some scary bathrooms in my time; Wrigley Field Bleachers in the nineth inning comes to mind (you don't want your ass anywhere near that toilet) and a Nashville roadhouse that had neither a door or toilet paper (you haven't lived until you've wiped your ass with some of those brown, splintery, paper towels) but no bathroom experience was ever as scary as that...I almost crapped my pants...literally.
Here's a recipe for some
New Orleans type fun.
First, put on some cajun music.
Second, get yourself a bunch
of beer and put it on ice,
preferably in a big metal tub. This doesn't do anything special to the beer, I just think it looks cool.
Now, get 3 to 5 pounds of Crawfish (yeah you read right, Crawfish, believe me you won't be sorry) per person.
Throw the critters into a big pot of boiling water laced with Zataran's crab-boil, or any crab boil that you think is good. Throw in a bunch of garlic and a few freshly cut lemons. Boil for 4 minutes, remove from flame and let the crawfish simmer in their juices for 3 more minutes. Remove the "mudbugs" and return the pot to boil. Throw in some red potatoes, some corn & onions and you're done.
Now here's the most important part...dial my home number and tell me to come over and to bring my bib.
Dump everything out onto a table covered in newspaper and eat.
To eat the crawdads twist the tail away from the body, peel back the first couple of sections from the shell, pinch the fan of the tail to push the meat out a little, grab the meat with your teeth and pull. If you want some extra flavor, just suck the juice out of the head...not the first time I've ever said that.
Laissez le bon temps rouler!
The Cable system in New Orleans is Cox Cable. The "Pay Per View" system, as in most cable markets is named "On Demand" preceded by the name of the cable company. For Instance, my Cable Company is AT&T Broadband so my Pay Per View is "A T & T Broadband On Demand". So naturally, New Orleans Cable offers "Cox On Demand". If this were true, I know a lot of women in Chicago who'd have some huge ass cable bills.
Masters died with a huge smile on his face. He was my hero.
Karen C. See below
Karen's side of the story
This really beautiful
woman named Amy with red hair and these amazing green eyes would always come over
to visit this woman I worked for as a nanny in the Hamptons. Amy always brought her son Max with her so I watched him too. She was always happy because at least I could get Max into his bathing suit and down to the water.
It wasn't until I went back to school (IU) and was walking by a newsstand one day that I saw Amy's face on people magazine and realized she was Amy Irving, who was Steven
Spielberg's wife at the time.
I just never put
two and two together - which is probably why we got along so well and talked when I saw her in the farmer's market and stuff.
Sometimes I'm so clueless!
But, I've seen their house in the Hamptons because I had to drop them off there one day and actually, I talked to Steven Spielberg once but I didn't know it was him right off and, of course, had no idea that Max was his son at that point.
One day I was in the farmer's market and
we both reached for the same apple. He said "you can have it" and I said "no, you go ahead" and he said "it belongs to you". We both just laughed and then I saw him while I was milling around in there and we were just friendly.
And that was it. NO big deal. He was sort
of scraggly with Levi's and a t-shirt. The
woman I was there with told me once we got outside that it was him.
So, once again, I was clueless.
That same thing happened to me at TNT when I sat and talked with Howard Keel for about 20 minutes with no idea who he was either.
EDITOR'S NOTE:
Karen recently returned from Italy where she
met some Polish guy in a funny hat named
John Paul. "He was really weird, he kept saying "Bless you" and I wasn't even sneezing". She thinks he's in Bible sales or something.
Name:
Birthday:
Birthplace:
Occupation:
Current Home:
Working On:
Worst Job Experience:
The Last Good Movie I Saw:
The Book I've Been Reading:
Favorite Pig Out Food:
Nickname:
Favorite Performer:
Prized Possession:
People always think I'm:
I'd give anything to meet:
Favorite Annual Event:
A really great evening to me is:
My Fantasy Is:
The One Thing I Can't Stand is:
If I Could Change One Thing About Myself:
I'm Really Good At:
My Most Irrational Act:
If I've Learned One Thing In Life It's:
Major accomplishment:
Hobbies:
Three words that best describe me:
The Kevin Connection:
Favorite Reenie Moment:
Due to lack of interest the XFL is out of
business.
God bless America.
I had seen Julie around various parties over the years and was attracted to her, but for what ever reason I never hooked up with her. It wasn't until the wedding of our mutual friend, Cathy S. that we actually talked. At that wedding Julie and I flirted somewhat, but I wasn't feeling well and really didn't put my heart into it. But none the less, it was at Cathy's wedding that the first overtures were made between Jules and I. So I guess you might say that Cathy Siebert is the person responsible for our meeting.
You might say that, but you'd be wrong.
Important Stuff About Friends & Lovers
On Tuesday, April 10, Olivia Lauren G., 6 lbs. 7 ozs., 19 inches was born. O.L.G. is the first child of Eddie & Laurie. That's her on the right. 
Brad L. is leaving town. Our very good friend Brad is
leaving Chicago, and moving to Arizona for a job in Phoenix. Brad has been a good buddy of mine for over 10 years. He loves imported beer, surf music and chicks with big ones. He tells a good joke, and does a mean soft shoe. The worst thing I can say about Brad is that he doesn't like vegetables. He will be missed.
Tony Soprano & Kevin
Tony...Had a crazy Italian mother.
Kevin...Has a crazy Italian mother.
Kevin...Once yelled at a guy. Really, really loud.
Kevin...Only one?
Kevin...Is a chubby, under-achieving son.
Kevin...Just the one Julie!
Kevin...Do I really have to say it?
Kevin...Wears a pinkie ring, but not on his pinkie.
Kevin...Chokes his chicken.
Who's your favorite clown?
After 40 years of being on television in Chicago, WGN is taking Bozo's Circus off the air. For those of us who grew up in Chicago this is a tragedy. I myself was once on the show and was the envy of my neighborhood when I was picked to play the "boys vs. girls" game at the end of the show. 
I started going to New Orleans on a regular basis about 10 years ago. At that time girls would never flash their breasts for beads unless it was during Mardi Gras. Now however you can walk down Bourbon Street anytime of the year and girls will be exposing themselves left and right for a strand of cheap plastic beads. 
companions favorite moments of our trip to New Orleans...
Trish H.
Jimmy E.
New Orleans. Part III
passed out on the lawn at Jazz Fest.
Notice the fake hand placed on his crotch.
Not even this stirred him from his slumber.
And this was only the first day of the fest.
I think this photo says it all.
The pilot has turned
on the seatbelt sign...
New Orleans. Part V
good eatin'
New Orleans. Part VI
The end
Kind of Funny
This is kind of funny...There's a magazine I read that is the cutting edge magazine in my industry. That's not saying much I know, but they are very knowledgeable, have great insight and are always on top of what's going on in my business. I get all my industry knowledge from this magazine. Every month or so this magazine's editor calls me up to do an interview on an industry topic, because they say I'm very knowledgeable about what's up in the Jan/San Industry...which I am, because I read their magazine...to get my knowledge...which I can then impart onto their readership...which is me.
Junk Drawer
There are more English speaking people
in China than there are in the United States. Most of them are of course saying "Fucking American's!"
And I quote...
(more or less)
Science!
Sexual research pioneer William Masters of Masters & Johnson fame, has passed away.
Over the years Masters made great advances into the human sexual condition, mostly through the observation of couples engaged in the act of sexual intercourse.
Kal's Pals Trivia
Which Kal's pal once baby sat for Steven Spielberg's son Max, but didn't know who Steven Spielberg was?
Well, it's like this. 
Who the Hell are You!?
Maureen, 1963
Maureen Sheila (E.) R.
April 16th, 19??.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Pleasantly retired.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin (summer)
Estero, Florida (winter).
Furnishing our new
Florida Condo-what a project!
Grating stale hard rolls into bread crumbs for fish/chicken fries, for 10¢ a day. Talk about bloody knuckles.
"O Brother Where Art Thou?" Love it. "George" is in it.
"Washington" by Mes Greenfield.
Dove ice cream bars
(dark chocolate & vanilla ice cream).
Reenie, Bizarro Mama, Mom, Grandma.
The Family
Neil Diamond & the Alvin Aieley Dancers- their rendition of "Rocka my soul in the bosom of
Abraham" is breathtaking!
I have two: The "Honker" from my
Jimmie & "The Bee" from Terry.
Crabby (but I'm not!)
George Bush. NOT! AS IF!
On horseback in the "50's".
I have three: Thanksgiving,
Christmas, & our early fall trip to Door County.
Staying up all night partying (yeah, when I was 30) now it's dinner & a movie, in bed by 8:00.
Having a one on one debate with
Sean Connery on Women's Issues ('d undoubtedly win).
Right wing A_ _ _ _ _ _s.
I would not have been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Cooking (when I do it) & Shopping.
Buying our new condo (but we'll enjoy it).
Have fun now, because you can't take it with you.
Editors Note: No, you can't, but you can leave it to your funny nephew.
Getting back on an airplane after many years.
Movies, shopping, eating and cavorting with family and friends.
Born to spend.
With Jim and Terry
Well Reenie's my aunt isn't she.
I think you can make the connection on your own.
My Aunt Reenie has been part of my life...well my whole life.
There have been so many moments that I can't single any one out.
I know I love her sense
of humor and biting,
sarcastic wit. She has made me laugh my entire life.
A strong willed women who doesn't take crap from anybody, I would never want to get on her bad side.
Reenie is one of the few woman in this world who has never done me wrong. And I love her dearly.
And in closing...
Just when I lose all faith in the American public they turn around and do something that catches me by surprise and changes my view that we, as a nation are doomed...