As we go through life, there are times when each of us
And so, it is with much grief that I must now say goodbye
For those of you not familiar with Duc's, it was, until
The Duc's "Super Taco" was put together with stuff like
One night, on my way home from a bar, I stopped at Duc's and ordered three of these beauties to go; but when I got home I noticed that they accidently gave me six! Well I thought, there's no way I could eat all six of these Super Tacos...WRONG! I just love them too much to resist.
So I guess all I'm trying to say is that one day you're eating Super Tacos until Dick Gregory has to come and put you on the Bahamian Diet, and the next day, POOF! they're gone.
Don't take the Super Taco in your life for granted, because tomorrow you might have to settle for Taco Bell.
Important Stuff About Friends & Lovers
Well it's a girl Grace Arlene C. was born on May 4th, at approximately 3:30 p.m. Little Grace was 7 lbs. 2 oz. ans 20 and one half inches long. The baby was delivered "C" section, and to quote the late Butterfly McQueen, "I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!", so I don't know if this is better or worse then the regular method. You be the judge. Anyway, mother and baby are both doing great, though Renee is already fearing a lack of adult company.
On May 18th, Rick and Dawn finally got hitched. It was a beautiful wedding, and we hope that God blesses them with many little Snoopy's.
Tom & Mary have a new addition to their family...little Roscoe. Oh don't get excited, they ddin't have a secret baby or anything, they just took in a stray cat. They also bought a new car, a Suburban that seats eight. Tommy is planning some group road trips. Dibs on shotgun!
Mike B. went to Vegas and all I got was a $25 off my next full body massage coupon.
All about Mike T.
I met Mike T. while I was working in the graphic design business. Mike worked for American Eagle which was on the floor above my office, but we never really talked. Then one day I went to my local Borics for a haircut, (insert your own bald joke here) and saw Mike sitting there waiting to get an $8 cut just like me! It seemed Mike and his lovely wife Jen lived a block away from me and I didn't even know it. Go figure.
Mike's aforementioned lovely wife Jen is an actress. She has known Steve A. for a number of years and has worked with him on a couple of projects. Jen has a part in the straight to video movie "Normal Life" (all the critics saythat this movie should have gotten a theatrical release) which ws edited at Tom & Steve's studio, Orchard Productions.
Mike also grew up in Port Washington Wisconsin, a small town outside of Milwaukee. Well my cousin Maria has a restaurant there that Mike used to hang out at when he was a young punk teenager. He recently returned there and told Maria he knew me; he was promptly escorted out.
Another great loss.
The paper wads have been removed from the ceiling of "Bub City". I know many of you will be saddened by this news, and others are like "What the hell are you talking about?"
A number of years ago Mikey and I wetted a couple of paper napkins and whipped them at the ceiling of our favorite hangout "Bub City". The bouncers working that night thought that a couple of yuppie fucks did it and threw them out on their asses while Mike and I giggled like a couple of little girls. It's always been a little inside joke and a source of pride among our little group that the wads were up there whenever we came back to drink. But now, with the napkins removed, it's as though a small part of me has died.
There's nothing new about Cheri, but I know
Leave ME alone.
The Unabomber may be in custody, but that won't stop me from milking a bit.
"The Arch Deluxe sucks. Instead try Subway's
Hey! Anybody had a Zima lately?
The telephone is not a toy people
The other day I was driving around this great city of Chicago, about to make a sales call, when I got paged. I didn't recognize the number, but then again, I seldom do, so I reached for my car phone and dialed up the number.
When the phone stopped ringing, a recording started playing..."Thank you for calling the Bijou theater..."
Well now the mystery was, who pulled this prank on me? After calling the usual suspects (Mike, Kathy, Cheri) I finally determined that it was Rene V. (who shall be referred to henceforth, as The Gay Divorcee).
So if you want to pull a good prank on someone, or are just looking for some cheap kinky fun call...312 943.5397.
If I had a "Stand-Up" act, these
Hey. Why does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
My sex life is so bad, that next
I can't wait until the show "Jag" is cancelled and
A lesbian friend of mine went over to holland
I think FedEx and UPS should merge
If you ask me, Lou Gehrig's parents were just asking for trouble,
It's summertime, and the livin' is easy. And if summer means one thing to me, (besides shaving my bikini line) it's Bar-B-Que!
Since the dawn of time, man has roasted his meat over an open fire, (ooooh that has to hurt) at first out of necessity, but later as recreation.
"I love the smell of lighter fluid in the morning, it smells like...Bar-B-Que".
And of course, when you think of Bar-B-Que, you think of the first name in Bar-B-Que grills...George Stephens.
Who?
George Stephens. George Stephens, who in 1952, while working at the Weber Brothers Metal Shop in Chicago, took two half spheroids of metal and...wala! Pork chops for everyone!
Ask anyone who's cooked a 20 lb. turkey or a full slab of ribs on a Weber, and they'll tell you that without a doubt, George Stephens was a genius. And the sales figures for Weber will bear them out. The Webber Kettle Grill is the most popular grill in the entire good ol' U.S. of A.
So we salute you Mr. George Stephens, and your fantastic Weber Grill. Surely you've earned your place in Heaven. Now please, somebody pass the Open Pit.
As a side note: My friends Beth & Barry bought their home from one of the Stephen's family, and the guy threw in a new Weber grill with the place.
Men my female
For a number of issues now I have subjected my female friends to numerous lists of women that I, and my male friends would stalk. So in keeping with the equal time policies of "Kal's pals", here are some of the men, some of my "penially challenged" friends would stalk.
Liane B.:
Cheri B.:
Rene C.:
Beth K.:
Linda K.:
Kathy K.:
Mary G.:
Rene V.:
Colleen O.:
I felt it only fair to let the ladies pick two men each after enduring my sexist lists for so long. This will be the last stalking list for a while, this bit is getting old. unlike all my other over used bits.
Another close encounter
The Bulls beat the Knicks that night, I couldn't tell you the final score, but, I'll always remember what Joan was wearing.
Let's get back to my butt fetish for a moment shall we. All last month I was driving around town feeling rather randy & seeming to have an even stronger than usual preoccupation with the female rear end. I couldn't figure out why. Why was booty constantly on my mind? Was it a strong case of spring fever? That's what I thought. Until I took a good look at what was hanging from my rear view mirror, and remembered giving a buck to that guy from Misercordia a month ago.
For those of you keeping California
And we won't stop until we're world wide!
Call me, don't be afraid
All my life I've wanted one of those phone numbers that spell something clever, so every once in a while I would sit down, look at the letters on my phone and try to spell something, but I never had any luck. Then last week while stuck in traffic I tried again, and lo and behold, I came up with this beauty; how I missed it before is beyond me. So next time you want to call me just dial...Buns n' K.Y.
Quote of the Month
Junk Drawer
Anne Bancroft was only 36 when she played the older woman, Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate. Coo coo ca choo!
Spotlight On...
Birthday:
Birthplace:
Occupation:
Current Home:
Working On:
Worst Job Experience:
The Last Good Movie I Saw:
The Book I've Been Reading:
Favorite Pig Out Food:
Nickname:
Favorite Performer:
Prized Possession:
People always think I'm:
I'd give anything to meet:
Favorite Annual Event:
A really great evening to me is:
My Fantasy Is:
The One Thing I Can't Stand is:
If I Could Change One Thing About Myself:
I'm Really Good At:
My Most Irrational Act:
If I've Learned One Thing In Life It's:
Major accomplishment:
Three words that best describe me:
must say goodbye to loved ones that have filled our lifes
with much joy. I now face such a time.
to a dear old friend...the Duc's Super Taco.
recently, a chain of greasey-ass, fast food restaurants in Chicago, owned and run by many of our friends from Pakistan, that is now going out of business.
any other taco; meat, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, and hot sauce
all in a fried taco shell. But what made the Super
Taco great, was the quality of these ingredients. Frankly;
they sucked. Lord knows what kind of meat they used, and they never changed the oil in their frier vats; they would
just add new oil as the food they cooked absorbed too much
of the old stuff. But there was something special about the combination of all these sub-par foods, that made the "Super Taco" a truly Super taco (especially at 2:00 a.m. after a
night of boozing).
how much she loves being mentioned in the
newsletter, so I just threw this in to make
her feel good.
Forget what Jeff said last issue about stalking Brad. For three weeks in a row now, I've run into Jeff on the street while I've been working. Coincidence? Maybe. All I know, is that I went out and bought a stun gun.
The Unabomber says...
new sandwich, The Tuna Bomber".
Just asking.
for you out of towners, the Bijou is a very scummy, gay movie theater here in town. well let me tell you, the
recording that they had on there was so raunchy, it made
me blush. I couldn't listen to the whole thing and had to hang up.
would be some of the jokes I'd tell.
Which explains why I don't have a "Stand-Up" act.
week I'm going to be on "Oprah".
And I don't mean the Talk Show.
the cover story of "TV Guide" is "JAG's Off!".
because she wanted to see all the dikes.
and change their name to Fed UP.
I mean you wouldn't name your kid "Colon Cancer" would ya?
Kal's Pals Salutes...
the Webber Grill!
Who among us (besides mary G.) doesn't get that craving to grill a thick juicy steak, or burn a hot dog to perfection once we feel the warm kiss of summer. I mean it's just one of those things that make life worth living.
friends would stalk
Alec Baldwin & Robin Williams
Mel Gibson & Rob Estes
Nicholas Cage & a young Gregory Peck
Warren Beatty & Hart Bochner
Al Pacino & Jimmy Smits
Harrison Ford & J.F.K. Jr.
Noah Wyle & a young Clint Eastwood
Nicholas Cage & Dwight Yokum
Michael Jordan & Antonio Banderas
with Joan Esposito
Cheri took Jeff and I to Game Two, Round Two of the Bulls Championship Playoffs. During the game Cheri spotted a very sleazy looking woman in a see-thru top, sitting near the Bulls Bench. Handing me the binoculars (latin for single vision) she told me where to spot this woman. Well, during my scan of the area, who did I notice sitting near the sleazy chick? None other then my Angle from Channel 5 News, Joan Esposito. Joan was sitting there with Linda Yu (another news anchor, for you out of towners) which probably means she still isn't dating anyone. I spotted her at half time and watched her for the rest of the game.
track, "Kal's Pals" is now available in 6 states!
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
South Dakota
And Wisconsin!
to just call me
Liane B.
November 17, 1965.
Chicago, Il.
Stay at home mom, &
Sales Associate for Marshall Field's.
Chicago, Il.
Baby # 2.
Cashier at Venture during Christmas.
"The Usual Suspects" (on vidoetape of course).
"Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
Just about anything without seafood.
"Lee".
Julie Andrews.
My Field's Associate discount card.
Younger than I am.
The Royal Family.
Christmas is my favorite time of year.
Any night that includes family,
friends, food and alcohol.
To win 50 million in Publisher's Clearing
House during the Super Bowl on t.v.
Is people who don't give you the "thank you"
wave after you let them, or they themselves
cut in front of you.
I'd wear a size 8 shoe.
Picking out a tie.
Marrying Mike.
Hakuna Matata.
Charles Edward Bania.
She is NUTS!