Here are a few highs and lows of 1995.
High:
High:
High:
High:
High:
High:
High:
High:
High:
High:
Happy New Year. Kevin
Friends & Lovers
Hold on to your hats Mr. & Mrs. America, Renee & Kevin C. are expecting! That's right, you heard me correctly. The baby (sex unknown) is due sometime in April.
Who's that happy new homeowner? Why it's everybodies favorite infectious disease M.D., Dr Jeff. Jeff just bought a beautiful new townhouse on Lincoln Avenue, and he's all set to move in before Christmas. Congratulations on your purchase Doc.
What's that we hear? Is it a sigh of relief? You know it. Linda K. just got word from her Doctor that all is fine wiht her pregnancy, the cord has become unwrapped and the baby is no longer in breach. Now, I will reveal the baby's sex, so if you like surprises read no further...the baby is a girl, who will be named Allyson Olivia, so she'll always be A.O.K.
Who's that chick with the new job? Vicky J. that's who. Vicky is getting a new job with a company that makes ice carvings. Cool job! Good luck Vicky.
What little red headed right fielder just bought herself a new condo in Old Town? Why Pam M. that's who. Way to go Pam.
And last but not least...I'm just about finished with my first novel; it's a Science Fiction book about an alien invasion. I'm calling it "The Large Thing From Uranus". Look for it this spring.
Cheri!
Match my pals to the wacky thing they've said or done
A. "Is this cum"?
B. Choked on an osyster in New Orleans
C. Took nude photos of himself frolicking in the surf.
D. "I would rather shot up Heroin then be your secret Santa"
E. "Why is it that as soon as you're married, they all want you?"
F. Dressed as Darth Vader for the Mexican Independence Day Parade
G. Left her camera in a New Orleans strip club.
1. Jeff
2. Cheri
3. Mike
4. Tom F.
5. Tom T.
6. Kevin
7. Vicky
Answers: A-2, B-5, C-1, D-4, E-3, F-6, G-7
10 things I
10. Myrrh
9. Listening to the Pope tell Polock Jokes at midnight mass.
8. Making extra cash pretending to be a Salvation Army guy.
7. Me & Martha Stewart in a tub full of Cranberry Sause.
6. Posing naked under the tree for next years card.
5. Sitting alone, in the dark, with a bottle of V.O. and my .45.
4. Stealing all that money from that stupid George Bailey.
3. Trimming the bush. Oops, I mean tree.
2. Catching Mike under the mistletoe.
and the number one thing I dig about the Christmas... Stuffing the turkey.
Taken for Granted
What household doesn't have at least a small jar of this of this glop in it's medicine chest? Which of you women haven't applied some to your lips to make them more supple? Which of you guys hasn't dug your fingers into a jar for a big gob, that you then stroked and rubbed into that most prized of possessions...your new baseball glove? In 1859, Robert Chesebrough, a Brooklyn chemist, was making a pretty good living in the kerosene supply business, when suddenly an oil boom in Pennsylvania threatned to put him in the poor house. Thinking fast, our hero traveled to the Keystone state in the hope of aquiring an oil aprtnership. Once there however, he became fascinated by the strange residue that stuck to the drilling rods of the oil wells. Nobody had any idea as to the chemical makeup of this gunk, but oil workers had discovered that when rubbed ona cut or small burn, it helped accelerate the healing process.
Chesebrough returned to New York with jars of this substance, and spent the next six months trying to extract and purify the essential ingredient of this paste. He finally came up with a clear smooth substance he called "petroleum jelly". Later he named his mystery product Vaseline, a mixture of "vase", (where he stored his experimental goop) and "line" a popular medical suffix of the time.
Chesebrough tested the healing powers of his new product on wounds and burns he inflicted on himself. He then traveled all over the east coast promoting and selling his new wonder medicine, giving out free samples to anyone who promised to use it on a cut or burn. Within six months vaseline was so popular, he had to hire a salesman to keep up this his orders and by the turn of century vaseline was a household name. Chesebrough died a rich man at the age of 96, and attributed his long life to Vaseline...he ate a heaping tablespoon of it everyday. Bon appitite.
The Unabomber says...
"Remember, Vaseline isn't water soluable.
Check it out
Here are some fun things, some of my friends are recommending.
Kevin C.
Tommy T.
Liane B.
Dave K.
Beth K.
More Chicks to Stalk
Madeline Stowe Anna Nicole Smith
This waitress at the Pepe's on Harlem Avenue Mira Sorvino Susan Lucci Jill Hennesy The girl on Partners Sandra Bullock Julia Louis-Dreyfus Joan Esposito (old habits die hard)
*
* Stopping at a red light I happened to glance in the rear view mirror at the car behind me, well imagine my shock and surprise when I saw sitting in the passenger seat none other then the most beautiful newscaster in the whole world...Ms. Joan Esposito. I continued down North Avenue, to Clark Street and then headed south, and Joan's car was still behind me. Now I'm sure you can appreciate the irony of all of this; a women I've wanted to stalk for years, was now in fact stalking me, and she wasn't even aware of it!
I finally had to pull over and park; and from my car I sadly watched as Joan Esposito drove out of my life. Once again so close, and yet so far. Oh Joan, someday we'll meet, and the magic will be endless, but until then, drive carefully my sweet, drive carefully.
7 Here are just a few of the "seven" movies, along with a list of their seven items, and, a seven second review of each.
The most disturbing movie I've ever seen. There is nothing uplifting about this flick. Dark, creepy and depressing, but it is a compeling story with good performances from it's cast.
The Grandmother of all animated movies. You can't say anything but good about this one. An all time classic.
One of my favorite musicals of all time, (is it wrong?). Great dancing, a young Julie Newmar as one of the kinapped brides, and a fun light hearted story make this an amusing time for the whole family.
A favorite of my childhood. Tony Randall portrays all seven faces of Dr. Lao, a traveling circus which saves the people of a small western town from an evil land Baron by showing them the truth
Junk Drawer
Spotlight On...
Birthday:
Birthplace:
Occupation:
Current Home:
Working On:
Worst Job Experience:
The Last Good Movie I Saw:
The Book I've Been Reading:
Favorite Pig Out Food:
Nickname:
Favorite Performer:
Prized Possession:
People always think I'm:
I'd give anything to meet:
Favorite Annual Event:
A really great evening to me is:
My Fantasy Is:
The One Thing I Can't Stand is:
If I Could Change One Thing About Myself:
I'm Really Good At:
My Most Irrational Act:
If I've Learned One Thing In Life It's:
Major accomplishment:
Three words that best describe me:
Cal Ripken keeps on going.
Low:
Calvin & Hobbs calls it quits.
Simpson is released (Homer, that is).
Low:
Simpson is released (O.J. that is).
Courtney Cox.
Low:
Courtney Love.
Farrah's nipples.
Low:
Rodman's tattoos.
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
Low:
Michael Jackson, King of pop.
Partners.
Low:
The Single Guy.
Hootie.
Low:
The Beatles.
Northwestern.
Low:
Northwestern.
Hugh Grant got a b.j.
Low:
I didn't.
I have friends like you.
Low:
You're stuck with me.
I love ya all.
Dig About Christmas
Today my friends we pay tribute to a product that has come in handy more times then I care to think of; that slippery, greasey, little lube in a jar, that miracle of science, that savior of a many a lonely night...Vaseline!
So keep it away from your condoms or...
I'll blow you up".
Read It: Actuarial Manuals
See It: American President
Listen To It: Big Head Todd & the Monsters
Rent It: Hoop Dreams
Do It: Going to Florida & Disney World
Read It: The Bill Gates Autobiography "Like anybody gives a fuck about what he says".
See It: Golden Eye. "I saw "Casino", but don't recommend it as much as "Golden Eye".
Listen To It: Natile Merchant "Tiger Lily"
Rent It: Butt-Bangin Biker Babes. Tom couldn't think of a video, so I filled this in for him.
Do It: "Take time off of work. Something I need to remind my self to do."
Read It: Where Angels Walk
See It: Toy Story
Listen To It: Hootie and the Blowfish
Rent It: Clerks
Do It: Chuck E. Cheese
Read It: The History of American Architecture
See It: Toy Story
Listen To It: Hootie and the Blowfish
Rent It: Red Rock West
Do It: The Frank Lloyd Wright Tour
Read It: The Alienist
See It: While You Were Sleeping
Listen To It: Sophie B. Hawkins "the Whaler"
Rent It: Immortal Beloved
Do It: Watch "High Society" Monday nights on CBS
One morning, a few weeks ago I was driving down North Avenue on my way to a customer.
For years Hollywood has had a fascination with the number 7. The movie "7" is tearing up the box office this fall, but film makers have had a long standing history of movies comprised of lists of sevens long before this Brad Pitt vechicle hit the silver screen.
7
The seven deadly sins:
Gluttony
Greed
Sloth
Lust
Pride
Envy
Wrath
Snow White and the
Seven Dwarfs
The seven dwarfs:
Doc
Grumpy
Happy
Sneezy
Sleepy
Bashful
Dopey
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers:
The seven brothers
Adam
Bartholomew
Caleb
Daniel
Ezekiel
Frankincense
Gabriel
The Seven faces of Dr. Lao
The seven faces:
Dr. Lao
Merlin
Medusa
Pan
The Oracle
The Abominable Snowman
Talking Snake
about the Baron and themselves.
In Japan Godzilla
is called "Gojira".
Domo origotto Mr. Roboto!
Cheri B.
August 10.
Chicago, Il.
Baby sitter for adult males.
Chicago.
Getting in shape.
Haven't experienced it yet, or it was so horrible I've blacked it out.
"American President".
Real Moments by B.
Anything from a bakery.
"Cher Bear".
Cirque du Soleil.
Photo albums.
My sister's mother.
God, while still on Earth.
Taking a dump.
Being in a crowd.
I have so much money, I give it away.
Inconsiderate rude people.
Self esteem.
Pigging out-doing nothing.
Jumping on a Merry-Go-Round at age 14.
Life doesn't get easier, it gets more complicated.
Surviving.
Neat, sincere, blunt.